Can My Ideal Parent Figures Be the Same Gender?
Short answer: It’s completely okay if both of your ideal parent figures are the same gender. It’s also okay if they are non-binary. Your ideal parents can be two mothers, two fathers, two non-binary parents, or any combination that feels right and supportive for you.
This practice is about creating a felt sense of safety and security—not about following rigid rules. For some people, one ideal parent figure is enough, and doing most of the work with just one is totally valid.n Ideal Parent Figures (IPF) work is whether your two ideal parents have to be different genders.
When It Might Help to Try Imagining Different Genders
While it’s perfectly fine to have two ideal parents of the same gender, there can be benefits to experimenting with both genders once you feel comfortable with the practice.
If you find it difficult to imagine, for example, an ideal father, that difficulty might point to challenges with feeling secure around people who identify as male in your adult life. Practicing with an ideal parent of that gender can gently increase your capacity to feel secure in those relationships—whether friendships, work dynamics, mentorships, or others.
This exploration isn’t required, but it can offer a greater sense of wholeness and completeness in your secure attachment template as you progress.
Follow What Works for You
Ultimately, Ideal Parent Figures is a personal, internal process. If two same-gender parents (or parents with no gender) are what most effectively create safety, warmth, and ideal care for you, then that is the right choice for your system.
If you have more questions about this, feel free to contact me at reparentyourself.org@gmail.com