This is one of the most common questions I hear from people doing this work, and it makes complete sense. You spend weeks or months building a relationship with imagined parent figures who feel deeply attuned to you. Naturally, you start to wonder: is this something I’ll need forever? Do I outgrow it? What happens after?
The Ideal Parent Figure (IPF) method, developed by Dr. Daniel P. Brown and Dr. David Elliott, was never designed to create a permanent dependency on imagined figures. The goal is what Brown and Elliott call an internalized secure base, a stable sense of safety and self-trust that becomes part of you. From there, people’s relationship to the figures themselves tends to evolve in a few different directions, and in my experience, these aren’t mutually exclusive. Many people move through more than one, or even all of them, over time. Nurturing yourself as a parent is essential for building that internalized secure base. By prioritizing your own well-being, you model self-care and resilience for your children. This not only enhances your relationship with them but also cultivates an environment where they feel safe to express themselves.
What the Ideal Parent Figure Protocol Is Actually Working Toward
The Ideal Parent Figure protocol isn’t designed to keep you reliant on imagined figures indefinitely. Its purpose, as Brown and Elliott describe in Attachment Disturbances in Adults, is to help a person develop an internalized secure base: a felt sense of safety and self-trust that no longer depends on the active presence of the imagined figures to access.
Definition
Internalized Secure Base
An internalized secure base is the stable, felt sense of safety and self-trust that forms once attachment-promoting experience, whether from a real relationship or guided imagery, becomes part of your own internal template for self-regulation. Once it’s internalized, you no longer need an outside figure actively present in order to access that felt sense of security.
Brown and Elliott describe a few concrete signs that this internalization is happening. One is exploratory behavior within the imagery itself: a person begins making excursions away from the parent figures, even briefly, which signals that an internal sense of security is starting to take hold rather than remaining dependent on the figures being right there. Another is that the benefits of the work start showing up in everyday life between sessions, not just inside the guided imagery. And a third is something Brown and Elliott address directly: as internalization deepens, the frequency of IPF sessions naturally tends to decrease, not because the work stopped working, but because it worked.
None of this means the figures disappear on a schedule, or that there’s a test you pass. It’s a gradual shift, and it looks different for different people.
Three Ways the Relationship With Your Ideal Parent Figures Can Evolve
In my work with clients, and in my own experience with this method, I’ve seen the relationship with ideal parent figures evolve in a few different ways. These aren’t a menu where you pick one. People commonly move through one, several, or all of them, sometimes at the same time. I worked with my own ideal parent figures daily for about two years, then weekly for several years after that, before my own practice evolved in the ways described below. The first pathway lines up closely with what Brown and Elliott describe in Attachment Disturbances in Adults. The second is something I see often in my own work and life, and which other teachers in this lineage address as well. The third is drawn more from my own contemplative practice than from formal research.
| Pathway | What It Tends to Look Like | Continued Practice |
|---|---|---|
| An Always-Available Inner Resource | The imagined parent figures stay available indefinitely. You may not need a coach or facilitator to keep doing this work, but the resource itself doesn’t expire, and you can return to it anytime you want to feel supported, seen, or soothed. | Often continues by choice |
| Figures Dissolve Into Embodied Qualities | The imagined figures become less necessary as separate figures, because the qualities they modeled and reflected back to you, compassion, strength, courage, presence, support, security, solidity, become part of how you directly experience yourself. | Naturally lessens over time |
| The Role Shifts to a Different Symbolic Form | For some people, especially those with an active spiritual or contemplative practice, a similar kind of imaginal support comes from other figures, ancestors, nature, plant medicine, rather than parent figures specifically. Not everyone relates to this, and that’s completely fine. | Varies widely |
1. They Remain a Permanent, Always-Available Resource
For a lot of people, the ideal parent figures remain an internal resource they like to lean on from time to time. You might reach a point where you don’t need to actively work with a coach or facilitator anymore, your basic sense of secure attachment is internally embodied and your relationships reflect that. Even so, having a resource like this is always useful, and it’s still there for you whenever you want to call on it. There’s never going to be a point in your life where feeling supported, seen, understood, and delighted in stops being useful. Plenty of people continue returning to their ideal parent figures for years, not out of dependency, but because it’s a reliable, deepening source of comfort and grounding.
2. The Figures Dissolve Into Qualities You Embody
The ideal parent figures and the qualities they represent can also integrate into a person’s lived experience. The figures themselves start to dissolve as separate figures, and the qualities they were modeling and reflecting back to you, compassion, strength, courage, presence, support, security, solidity, become something you simply are, rather than something you’re relating to. In a sense, you become the “Ideal Parent Figure.” That doesn’t mean becoming perfect, ideal, or unshakeable. You’re still human. It just means the purpose of the figures was always to help you access your own innate qualities of presence, and at a certain point, you can access those qualities directly without needing to imagine the figures bringing them out in you.
From what I’ve heard, John Churchill, a former student of Dr. Daniel P. Brown who now runs the Planetary Dharma school, goes further into this particular pathway, though I haven’t taken his courses myself.
3. The Role Can Be Carried by Other Forms of Symbolic Support
This one is drawn more from my own personal practice than from a documented step in the IPF protocol. At this point in my own life, I don’t personally work with ideal parent figures in the original sense anymore. The qualities they once modeled for me became part of my own embodied experience of myself, in the way described above. But I also find myself calling on a different kind of imaginal support: ancestors, spirits of nature, plant medicine spirits, animal spirits. I call on these when I need guidance, when I’m meeting clients, when I’m meeting my own life and need to connect to something deeper than my everyday thinking mind.
These play a strikingly similar role to the ideal parent figures, just in a different register. Where ideal parent figures are a specific modeling of secure relational qualities, this kind of imaginal support taps something more universal, a felt connection to something larger and wiser than my immediate state of mind, that I can turn to for steadiness. Occasionally, if what I actually need in a given moment is specifically the felt sense of an ideal parent, that’s still available to me too.
Not everyone relates to calling in ancestors or spirits of nature, and that’s completely fine. This particular pathway isn’t part of the core protocol, and it’s not necessary for the work to be effective.
It’s simply been true in my own experience, and it echoes something found in a number of indigenous and contemplative traditions: the idea that imaginal figures of guidance and protection don’t have to take one fixed form to do real psychological and spiritual work.
Does This Mean You Eventually “Graduate” From IPF Work?
There’s no fixed graduation point or test you pass that tells you you’re done with the Ideal Parent Figure method. What tends to happen instead, according to Brown and Elliott, is that as the internalized secure base deepens, the frequency of active IPF sessions naturally decreases on its own, and people increasingly notice the benefits showing up directly in daily life rather than primarily inside the guided imagery.
It’s a gradual tapering, not a finish line. Some people keep a light, occasional practice going for years, even after the deepest structural work feels complete, simply because it continues to feel good and useful. Others find that life naturally pulls their attention elsewhere, and that’s fine too, because the internal shift doesn’t depend on the imagery continuing forever to stay in place.
Working With Ideal Parent Figures at Reparent Yourself
In my work with clients at Reparent Yourself, I don’t try to steer people toward one particular ending point for their relationship with their ideal parent figures. Some people want to keep an ongoing practice as a steady source of comfort. Others are more curious about the deeper shift, where the qualities the figures modeled become something they carry as their own. Both are legitimate uses of the method, and the work itself tends to make clear which direction feels most alive for a given person.
If you’re working through this yourself and want support figuring out what this evolution looks like for you specifically, Reparent Yourself offers coaching using the Ideal Parent Figure method, and you’re welcome to book a free call here.
Frequently Asked Questions
Do I have to keep practicing the Ideal Parent Figure method forever to maintain secure attachment?
No. While some people choose to continue an ongoing practice because they find it genuinely supportive, the structural shift toward secure attachment is meant to become internalized rather than dependent on continued active practice. Brown and Elliott describe IPF session frequency naturally decreasing as internalization deepens.
How do I know if my secure base has become internalized?
A few signs tend to show up: you notice the benefits of the work appearing in everyday situations outside of formal practice, you feel less need to return to the imagery as frequently, and within the imagery itself, you may notice yourself comfortably exploring or moving away from the parent figures rather than needing to stay close to them.
Is it normal for the ideal parent figures to change or become less vivid over time?
Yes. It’s common for the imagery to shift, become less detailed, or feel less necessary as the qualities the figures embodied become more directly accessible to you as your own internal experience. This isn’t a sign that anything is going wrong.
Can ideal parent figures be replaced by other inner figures, like ancestors or spirit guides?
For some people, yes, though this isn’t a documented stage of the formal IPF protocol. In my own experience, the role once played by ideal parent figures can be carried by other forms of imaginal support, such as a felt connection to ancestors or nature. This tends to depend on a person’s existing spiritual or contemplative orientation, and it’s not something everyone needs or relates to.
Do I need to be spiritual or religious for the Ideal Parent Figure method to work?
No. The core IPF protocol developed by Brown and Elliott doesn’t require any particular spiritual or religious belief, and the qualities it builds, a sense of being supported, seen, and soothed, can be accessed entirely on their own. Calling on ancestors or spirits of nature is something some people find meaningful as their practice evolves, but it’s a personal extension, not a requirement of the method itself.
Does stopping IPF sessions mean attachment security will fade?
Not if the work has reached a genuine internalized secure base. The aim of the method is lasting change, not a temporary state that depends on ongoing sessions to maintain. That said, attachment work is rarely a perfectly clean before-and-after, and revisiting the practice occasionally during stressful periods is completely normal and not a sign of failure. Exploring the benefits of emotional reparenting techniques can further enhance an individual’s journey toward self-acceptance. These strategies allow individuals to reconnect with their inner child and address unmet needs from the past. As a result, many find improved emotional resilience and healthier relationships in their lives.